Meghan Tschanz

love shines on

Disillusionment: Maybe I Can’t Change the World

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Have you ever been really excited about something only to find out a bit further down the road that maybe it wasn’t what you hoped?

I’ve recently gone through a bit of disillusionment with a friend very dear with to my heart, with my friend who had left the sex trade.

It’s not so much that she let me down, as much as the circumstances of life let me down.

Before I get too far ahead of myself, let me explain by giving you the back story.

A couple of weeks I wrote about how one of my very dear friends, Monica, was considering leaving Wipe Every Tear (WET).

I adore her. She is kind, optimistic, hopeful, hilarious, and so very sweet. She loves people well and is the first to reach out to someone in pain. She’s also a single mother that left the bars about a year ago.

When I found out she might be leaving Wipe Every Tear to return to Angeles City where the bars are) I prayed and sent her messages telling her how much God loved her and to stay with WET. So did countless others and through the power of our love and words she told us she was going to stay with Wipe Every Tear.

I was so excited I wrote a blog about it and would share the story with friends over lunch.

And then… about a week ago, I found out she went back. I was devastated. 

It made me feel like a liar, here I was proclaiming how our words changed her life, only to find out that they only worked for a week before she went back.

I reached out to her and asked her why she left. She told me it was a long story, I let her know I had time. She said it was very complicated: big problems with her family and son.

I told her God was bigger and that WET was waiting with open arms. She said she knew, but for now she was in Angeles City.

And again I was brought back to the reality of just how powerless I am to solve her problems and how little I understand. Because from my perspective, I can’t understand why she ever left WET in the first place.

She was loved well, had food and lodging provided, and she was going to college. Why? Why would she leave that?

I’m never going to understand because I’m not her. I can’t understand what it’s like to grow up in poverty in the Philippines. I can’t understand what it was like to work in the bars to provide for her small son. I don’t know what she has been through, so I can’t relate.

I can’t conjure up the perfect words to make her go back to WET, because I’ve never experienced what she has lived.

She’s right, her situation is complicated and it leaves me feeling powerless.

Here I am, writing blogs about how we can change the world and finding that life doesn’t always have that happy ending that I had hoped for; at least not yet.

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Your friend might leave the bars, but she might go back. She might leave the bars again to go back to WET, and then go back again to the bars. That might happen a dozen times.

But that shouldn’t take away from the way I celebrated her remaining with WET just a little longer. And I shouldn’t lose hope now that she is back in Angeles City.

Right now my friend Monica might not be in a great situation, but that doesn’t mean it will always be that way.

The story is never over. God is still working and pursuing Monica even when I can’t see it.

I refuse to give up hope. I refuse to believe that Monica’s story ends here.

It’s a delicate balance: to fully believe and hope for the best, while realizing that you might get let down and it will hurt like hell.

But If I don’t believe, if I don’t hope; then who will?

Who will still believe in Monica, who will tell her that she can change the world? Who will be her champion?

She needs people who believe in her, and I might need it just as much.

I need to believe that God can redeem. I need to believe that nothing is too hard for him.

I need to believe that he can make something beautiful out of all of the pain in this world.

Because if Jesus can’t, my friends, there is no one else who can.

So today, even with despair staring me straight in the face, I’m choosing to believe that my God is stronger. That his love is as powerful as he says it is, that it can rescue women from brothels and bars, it can care for their children. Love can give her identity, value and purpose.

Only love can put an end to the sex trade as we know it.

And if Love can, then you can bet that it will.

 

What about you? Have you ever been disillusioned?

 

About Meghan Tschanz

I believe in love, empowerment. and adventure. The kind of love that believes in the face of adversity, the empowerment that allows people to step into their destiny, and the kind of adventure that leaves your heart pounding in your chest. I write because I want to remind us all that there is so much more to life.

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12 Replies

  1. Brant

    Good blog Meghan, thanks for sharing. I’ve felt that way a lot. You are right, just because we aren’t always successful doesn’t mean we should stop trying. We just have to trust that God knows what He is doing and our picture is incomplete.

    1. Thanks Brant. I want to hear your story about that guys sometime 🙂

  2. Yan

    I do appreciate your love and patient to monica.
    working with this vulnerable group is hard and always makes us up and down..
    we may not reap what we sow now but who know the future!
    I used to feel powerless all the time because I can’t help people in need..
    I feel like i am too small to change the environment, the evil power is just too strong and i can’t see hope.
    but god remind me i am not superwoman! he is the super one! monica is in his hand not our hands. god know her future and will not forsake her.
    we need to believe god has his plan to her that is out of our imagination!
    when you are down, praise and worship the lord ! proclaim his character and promises in the bible.

    FIghting!!!

    1. Thanks Yan. Your words are so encouraging!

  3. Kellie McGann

    Meghan, this is so good. I’m so thankful for the times that I’ve felt that because I can look back now and trust even more that Love will win. We know God is faithful and will use it for even greater.
    Thanks for sharing Meg!

    1. Yes Kellie! God is faithful! I can’t wait to see how God works in this situation!

  4. Alicia Marlene

    You’re faith is so amazing. I wish I had the faith you do and the belief that you do.

  5. Heather Gullett Denniston

    Great work. I literally just started volunteering for a Sex Trade organization here in Seattle. Ironic that I came across your post….well, not really ironic. 😉

  6. Wow. What a powerful story. It breaks my heart to hear that women feel they have no choice but to return to that life. I have had times when friends have left God to return to their old lives, which I can imagine is somewhat similar. It’s awful. I just want to take them out of their situation to look at it from a different perspective. I appreciate your words of encouragement to look to God even when we are disheartened in the moment. Prayers for your friend to return to a safe place.

    1. Thanks for your prayers Jenn! I am glad that you can relate but even more excited that God is faithful!

  7. Mar

    No one really knows why people make they choices they do. But you tried your best and that’s all that matters!

  8. seth_barnes

    Refreshing to read – authenticity is sometimes more important than hope.

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